Perhaps you can nod recognizably to the following situation:
A colleague is pulled to the side of the manager. The pulse rises and the panic spreads silently, infecting others in the room. No one knows what's happening, but everyone can sense it anyway. Twenty minutes after, your coworker comes out looking lost. The manager remains tense and keeps to himself for the rest of the day.
This is an example of how big an impact the difficult conversation can have. You can actually have a difficult conversation and make it easier. It just requires you to properly familiarize yourself with how. We will help you with that in this article.
Many attach to his work much of his identity. We spend a lot of the waking hours of the day working. We spend many hours of the day adapting, improving our skills and thinking. Working life, like private life, will be filled with difficult conversations. That is why it is really important that when we finally have or have a difficult conversation that it is done properly.
It is important to remember that you as a manager do not only influence the specific employee or colleague with the conversation. You're affecting the whole department. The way the conversation is held, the mood and the subsequent actions have a huge impact. An influence that many do not consider taking into account when starting a difficult conversation.
Mastering to conduct a difficult conversation in the best possible way will benefit the organization. An organization that does not have the fear of touch in the face of difficult conversations will automatically also be an organization in continuous development. So let's take a closer look at what a difficult conversation really is and why it's important to know.
Read more: Guide to better well-being at work: 5 tips
What is a difficult conversation?
A difficult conversation is a situation in which, as a manager or other responsible professional, one must address a topic that may be uncomfortable or emotional for both parties. These can be conversations about an employee's performance where expectations have not been met, or it can be about termination, where you have to notify someone that their employment is coming to an end.
Difficult conversations can also revolve around conflicts between colleagues, where disagreements have arisen that negatively affect the work environment, or it may be necessary to address sensitive topics such as well-being, stress or personal problems.
These conversations are difficult because they require both tact, empathy and clear communication, while at the same time being aware of the human dimension and the consequences the conversation can have for the employee and the organization.
Read more: Psychological reassurance
Why is it important to have the difficult conversation?
Taking the difficult conversation is crucial to ensuring a healthy, productive and balanced work environment. And as mentioned earlier, it can have a huge impact on an organization's development. Dealing with a difficult conversation constructively can have many benefits:
- Improved communication
Clear and open dialogue can eliminate misunderstandings and foster better cooperation. By conducting a difficult conversation constructively, it will feel easier for both manager and employee to communicate in the future. Communication is the cornerstone of good cooperation and trust, which is why it is an important advantage to properly familiarize yourself with how the difficult conversation is taken. - Strengthened relationships
While it may feel like giving a rap over the teddy bears or feeling that one is negatively affecting the mood, a properly conducted conversation will actually benefit the internal relationships in the long run. Remember that a difficult conversation is vulnerable and can hurt - even if it is taken correctly. When employees feel heard and respected, even in difficult situations, trust and willingness to cooperate increase.
Read more: Trust-Based Leadership: Create Success Through Trust - Higher productivity
It may feel like the week after a difficult conversation you are idling - but be patient, because they are actually very beneficial for productivity. In general, conversations and regular feedback will lead to development. Thus, effective management of problems will also lead to a more focused and motivated team, which improves work effort and results.
Conversely, avoiding difficult conversations or conducting them incorrectly can lead to several negative consequences that hamper the development and well-being of the organization:
- Decreased work ethic and work culture:
If you ignore the elephant in the room, it has the feel of filling even more. Untreated problems can create frustration and demotivation in both the affected employee and colleagues. Therefore, it is important to address the problem before it destroys the work culture. - Escalating conflicts:
As we mentioned above, the elephant in the room only gets bigger by ignoring it. Small disagreements can grow into bigger problems, which often affect the entire workplace. It is unsustainable and damaging to the organization if conflicts or bad mood are present for a long time at a time. - Inefficiency:
Unclear expectations and unresolved issues can result in lower productivity and poorer work outcomes. Without constructive conversations and regular feedback, development will slow down. This applies both to individual development but also to the development of the organization as a whole.
Taking the difficult conversation in a considered and empathetic way can therefore have a positive impact on both employees and the overall success of the organization. But to make the difficult conversation effective and workable, it requires thorough preparation.
Before the Difficult Conversation
Preparation is key to handling a difficult conversation in an effective and respectful way. Without thorough preparation, the conversation can quickly go off the rails, which can aggravate the situation and create unnecessary stress for everyone involved.
By preparing thoroughly, you increase the chance that the conversation will be constructive and purposeful, and that both parties will go from there with a clear understanding of the next step. Here are some starting points:
- Clear goal:
Start by defining what you want to achieve with the conversation. Is the goal to improve an employee's performance, resolve a conflict, or provide feedback? By having clear goals, you ensure that the conversation stays focused. - Gathering facts:
Gather all relevant information and documentation that supports your points. It can be performance data, previous conversations or concrete examples of behavior. This gives you a solid foundation and ensures that the conversation will be based on facts rather than emotions. However, be careful not to build your entire conversation on bone-hard facts - it can easily appear cynical. - Emotional preparation:
Consider how you will handle your own feelings and reactions during the conversation. Be aware that the topic can arouse strong emotions in both parties, and prepare to handle this professionally and empathically. Settle in to how your receiver is going and feeling overall. It's unchecked if you don't know a bit about the recipient's life situation when you have to hold a difficult conversation. - Script and structure:
It may be a good idea to prepare a structure or script for the conversation. This will help you ensure that you get all the relevant points covered and keep the conversation on track. A script can also be a support if the conversation becomes difficult or deviates from the planned topic. At the same time, you ensure that you get to say everything that is important to the conversation. However, be aware that a script can easily come across as distancing and impersonal. Make sure you know your points well before holding the conversation.
With these steps, you can create the best conditions for a difficult conversation that is both respectful and effective for you and your recipient. Remember that while preparation is ideal for a good outcome, it does not take the difficult and unpleasant aspect out of the conversation.
During the difficult conversation
During a difficult conversation, it is crucial to pay attention to how the conversation is progressing so that it remains productive and respectful. This is where your preparation comes into play so you can focus on being the best sender for your receiver.
- Active listening
One of the most fundamental techniques for a difficult conversation is active listening. By actively listening, you show that you truly understand and value the other party's views. This involves giving the other person time to talk without interrupting, confirming what they have said, and possibly asking clarifying questions.
Active listening creates a safe space where the other feels heard, which can reduce resistance and frustration. Again, it's worth mentioning that it can still feel uncomfortable, borderline or toe-rumbling during the conversation — after all, it's a difficult conversation and you can't fool yourself into making it comfortable.
- Clear communication
At the same time, it is important to practice clear and clear communication. When expressing your views, be clear and direct - but always respectful. Avoid vague formulations and be specific about what the problem is and what it takes for it to change.
Clear communication helps avoid misunderstandings and ensures that both parties know what is expected from the conversation. Remember, too, that if you, as a leader, take on a difficult conversation, you will automatically appear authoritarian and occasionally intimidating - perhaps even intimidating. Therefore, it is important that you think about how you communicate.
Read more: What is assertive communication and how is it used?
- Empathy, recognition and body language
Appear human rather than authoritarian. By showing empathy, you acknowledge the other party's feelings and perspective, which can make it easier for them to accept feedback or difficult information. A simple recognition as “I understand this can be hard to hear” can make a big difference in how the message is received.
While a smile can feel forced in a conversation with a difficult focal point, it can actually do a lot. A smile can make both you and your recipient lower their shoulders and provide a safer starting point. Empathetic words are hard to take seriously without a body language to match. Think about adjusting both tone bearing, mimicry, and body language to the situation and the person you're sitting across from.
Read more: How to Give and Receive Constructive Feedback
- Defensive backlash
When the conversation becomes difficult, it is common for the opposing party to become defensive. How to handle defensiveness is critical to keeping the conversation constructive. If you experience defensiveness, it can help to acknowledge their feelings and then gently bring the conversation back on track.
Avoid going on the defensive yourself, and make sure you focus on solutions rather than problems. Put yourself in your recipient's place—it's never fun to get criticism or receive difficult messages.
- Calm
Calm is also essential, especially when the conversation gets intense. Here you need to once again consider your body language and radiance. We humans have completely automatic counter-reactions, but in a situation like this, it's important to be aware of these reactions and master them.
It is important to keep a calm and professional tone, regardless of how the counterpart reacts. This helps to avert conflicts and shows that you are in control and find calm in the situation yourself.
After the difficult conversation
After the difficult conversation is taken, tension and pressured mood can rarely be avoided. However, it is important to pay attention to your own actions, precisely in the time after. Your actions have a huge impact on how the rest of the situation unfolds.
It is important to follow up after the conversation. This must be done to ensure that the agreed actions are carried out and acted upon. At the same time, it also requires a social follow-up to ensure that the recipient has understood the message correctly and can come to terms with it. Unresolved tensions can escalate quickly if they are not followed up on.
Self-reflection and evaluation
After a follow-up, it would be an idea to arrange for some kind of evaluation - or self-reflection. This does not always have to include both sender and receiver. Occasionally, personal evaluation is good for promoting one's own professional and personal growth.
For example, you can ask yourself:
- Did I act and react as I expected? What about the receiver?
- Has my message been clear?
- Do I feel relief - why/why not?
- What could I have done to make the experience more constructive for all parties?
Commentaires
However, a personal reflection is not always enough. Because, in essence, the difficult conversation is not about you, but about the recipient of it and the message that is the focal point of the conversation. Seek feedback and be sure to be specific and vulnerable. But also assess whether it's an appropriate situation to solicit feedback in; perhaps it's not after a round of firings that you should ask what you could have done better. Assess how useful your feedback will be for the specific situation.
For example, you can use the following questions:
- How did you experience the process of the conversation? Did you feel comfortable?
- If I could have structured the conversation differently, how do you think it should have been taken?
- What's one thing I could have done to make the conversation a little more pleasant for you?
You show here that you have not only been a sender of a message, but rather a human being who also wants development and progress. It also shows that you have trust and faith in your employees and value their feedback and opinion highly. Remember to act on them too.
Read more: Feedback & Dialogue
Help with the Difficult Conversation
Remember that your actions during and after the conversation are of great importance to both the individual and the organization as a whole. We encourage you to use these tools in your working life and create an environment where difficult conversations become a source of growth.
Do not hesitate to share your own experiences with us. In Feedwork, we focus on psychological reassurance and feedback - both topics that the difficult conversation covers. By having high psychological reassurance, a difficult conversation can be made easier. By thoroughly and constructively using feedback, you can become better at taking the difficult conversations.
However, it is not as easy as it sounds, but we would like to help you along the way.
